Lines: 53 lines.
Gender: Male (described as ‘Robot Man’) but could be played by a woman.
Age: Any
Description: He’s a clockwork robot from the planet Zbeegle, on Earth to assist two chaotic and incompetent aliens with a ‘probing mission’. They lose the key, so he stops working, and then lose him entirely when he’s wound up by our heroes and joins their quest to see the wizard. He’ll be a stereotypical kids-show robot with a metallic and monosyllabic delivery, but he does show some growth as he tries to understand and experiment with a human sense of humour. Eventually he gets an upgrade and becomes a different and improved robot – more of a C3PO with better diction and higher intelligence.
Costumes: Remains to be seen but likely something cardboard boxy! The song says he “looks like a fridge or an old tin can”. Will eventually need to do a quick change into the ‘upgraded’ robot outfit.
Singing? Yes – “Robot Man” song. In this case we might consider having him mime the song, especially if the costume allows for his head to be covered. This would let us make the vocal in the song more effected and robot-like. It’s possible we might put an effect on his microphone channel so even his speaking voice has a synthetic character.
Dancing: Yes, during the Robot Man song.
Scene 10 – Robot and Histamine
Robot enters, stamping along in his usual way, completely failing to understand the idea of being quiet.
Histamine: Shhhhh!
Robot: What is shhhh? Are you leaking coolant from a loose valve?
Histamine: What? I don’t have any coolant. Or valves.
Robot: Then how do you maintain a constant operational temperature?
Histamine: HRT.
Robot: What is HRT?
Histamine: Never mind. Shhhh means be quiet, can you do that?
Robot: (just as loudly) Yes.
Histamine: Well, go on then.
Robot: My volume control is located here. (points to his backside and bends over)
Histamine: Oh Lord, who designed you?
Robot: The Zbeeglian Alliance.
Histamine: Is it this button? (brief very loud burst of classical music)
Robot: No, that is Classic FM.
Histamine: Your bottom plays Classic FM?
Robot: Unless you change the channel.
Histamine: What does this button do? (loud fart noise) Well, of course.
Robot: Ha. Ha. Ha. I have been learning about your human sense of humour. Ha Ha Ha.
Histamine: Very funny. Do you even have a volume control?
Robot: It’s the next button.
Histamine: What, this one? (presses button, another loud comic noise, possibly a ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ style musical car horn)
Robot: Ha Ha Ha.
Histamine: We’re supposed to be being quiet or the witch will hear us! Either you show me the volume control or I’m looking for the off switch!
Robot: (stands up and tweaks a button on his chest, speaking more quietly) Sorry.
Histamine: Thank you. Right, are we there yet?
Robot: Turn left and go up those steps. (they do so) You have reached your destination.
Histamine: It must be this building here. Now where’s the front door?
Robot: According to my calculations, using the main entrance may alert the enemy to our presence.
Histamine: If your bottom hasn’t already alerted her! Do you have another suggestion? We can’t just go through the wall!
Robot: We can if we are equipped with a class 3 Zbeeglian matter disintegrator laser, capable of making a hole in a wall big enough to climb through, without destroying the building.
Histamine: And are we?
Robot: Negative.
Histamine: Well, that’s no use then, is it!
Robot: Only kidding. (produces laser) Ha ha Ha. (Low hum of a laser, then the sound of a wall disintegrating. The wall, conveniently, is offstage.)
Robot Man
I’m a robot man
Made of plastic and steel
I’m a robot man
Just think – don’t feel
I got bolts and nuts
Lots of wires for guts
I am a robot man
He is a robot, robot man
Looks like a fridge or an old tin can
He is a robot, robot man
He is a robot man
I’m a robot man
I don’t get tired
I’m a robot man
It’s the way I’m wired
A mechanical chap
Worth a lot for scrap
I am a robot man
He is a robot, robot man
Looks like a fridge or an old tin can
He is a robot, robot man
He is a robot man
ORIGINAL PITCH
PITCH PLUS 2
PITCH PLUS 4
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