Lines: It’s a big part – Histamine has the highest line count at 165 and is on stage for most of the show.
Gender: Ideally a male, playing a female as per panto tradition. There are some jokes about her maleness which may not work if played by a woman.
Age: Adult
Description: Histamine is the show’s dame and would be the usual bold, larger-than-life brassy dame type. She breaks the fourth wall more than any other character, so should be comfortable with a bit of improv and crowd work. Plenty of energy, good comic timing. Some slapstick physical comedy too involving hair removal cream and the witch.
Costumes: Two; a dowdy monochrome outfit for scene 1 and then a more colourful costume for the rest of the show.
Singing? As part of an ensemble for “Follow the A64” and possibly other ensemble songs.
Dancing: No, but may be required to join in ensemble numbers.
Download as word file: (“save link as”)
(To audience) Well that’s you lot warmed up. So since you’re here, I think it’s time for some introductions. My name is Auntie Histamine. Yes, I know Histamine is a very unusual name. It sure was a bold choice, you could say a little rash.
I’m told it’s very erotic. Oh wait, no I mean exotic. Or perhaps both. I have sisters called Freeze and Clockwise – one of them is cold and the other one’s a bit backwards, so I think I got off lightly.
This charming young lady is Dot, she’s the nicest, loveliest person in the whole world. In fact sometimes I think she’s too nice. She calls me auntie but actually we’re not related, she’s lived with me since I found her abandoned as a baby on my doorstep in a little basket. Aaah. [audience encouraged to aaaah] OK ok don’t overdo it, I’ve got a sad backstory as well. There was a time when I was married. Yes married. My husband was a plumber. He had an unusual name too, he was called Og the drain. So he was Uncle Og The Drain. Unclog the drain? Plumber? Oh suit yourselves.
But I’m afraid one day silly old Og left me. [aaaaah] leaving me all alone [Aaaaaahh]. One day he just went to the shops and never came back. I think I was too much woman for him. Well, if you can’t handle the package, don’t sign for the delivery, that’s what I say.
So it’s just me, Dotty and Tiddles living in a very poor house in a sad grey little village called Amdramham. It’s very boring here. There’s only one shop. And only one pub. Nothing much for two single ladies to do! Except go to the pub twice.
(FX: Thunder/lightning)
Dot: Oh my goodness Auntie Histamine, I can hear the storm getting nearer. I think Tiddles is getting frightened.
Histamine: She seems unmoved to me (prods cat).
Dot: Don’t be mean auntie! She’s just very tired.
Histamine: It’s getting very blowy out there. My washing is flapping about something rotten. (goes to window)
Dot: Oh no auntie! Your dress has flown off. (goes to see)
Histamine: Not for the first time.
Dot: Your knickers have fallen down!
Histamine: Not for the first time.
Dot: Oh no! It’s blown your socks off!
Histamine: It’s been a while.
Dot: Oh Auntie Histamine, we must go and save the laundry!
(Exit D and H into the storm)
Song: Follow the A64